… And just take the time to look after yourself. The other day, I learned that lesson very well.
I’ve been on some new medication for the past month or so that has really screwed with my hormone levels: it’s exhausting trying to maintain a normal attitude at work when inside I want to simultaneously laugh, cry, and curl up in a ball to sleep. I’ve done pretty well so far but it’s both mentally and emotionally taxing, but I refused to let it have its way because it would impact my ability to work. That was mistake number one.
Mistake number two was letting myself get dragged into worries right before bed. Money, family, work etc so normal worries, but when paired with my anxiety they set off a chain of nightmares all the way through the night. I stayed asleep but it was definitely not a quality sleep.
Mistake number three was trying to go to work the next day. Bear in mind that I overslept by 2 hours, which has never happened before. I should have paid attention to my body and mind and called in sick for my own sake as well as that of everyone who would have had to deal with me.
I knew I was in a fragile place, but thought I could power through like I have been doing and went in to work anyway despite being an hour late (thankfully it’s just a 10 minute drive down the road nowadays). Walked in and said hello to the receptionist as always, intending to work my day as normal. I have a reputation at work for always being there at the same time, so understandably she asked if I was OK.
That was it. That was all it took for me to burst into tears and realise that I’d run myself into the ground trying to fight my own body and mind. A few minutes later, after talking to my boss (and I think I scared him by bursting into tears again), I was on my way home.
A day of rest and I’m almost back to normal. I barely left my bed for that day from sheer exhaustion. My moods and emotions are still back and forth like a pendulum but now when I feel myself dropping into a negative I pop to the loo, have a cry if I need to, and just take a few minutes to deal with the swing and get back to normal.
Sometimes you have to know when to call it quits, it just took me a mini breakdown to realise it.
It’s better to take a couple minutes here and there to check in with yourself than run yourself into the ground trying to pretend everything is OK.
Look after yourself, you’re more important than your job/project or what people think of you.
Walk in beauty,